Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize