I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
