so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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