I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
