he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
