My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
