Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
