Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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