Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
