the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
