those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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