Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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