after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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