There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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