he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
