The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
