We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
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It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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