my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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