If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
