this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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