..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
