Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
