she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
