Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
