I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I wear drunk well.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
