You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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