Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
