I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
