The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
