guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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