I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
