U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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