YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
