At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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