What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
