I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
