She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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