how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize