just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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