I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
