are you still at the devil's house?
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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