meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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