I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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