nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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