whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Farmville is her only friend.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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