I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
vagina is talking i cant
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
