I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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