Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
