That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
