if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
