We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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