I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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