At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
