WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
